nenu

2003-05-06T20:32:00.000-04:00

happiness and sadness
how do i see the difference

a wave of emotion hits me
and washes away my memory
before i try to see what caused it

and back to the deepened shallow feelings

2003-04-22T00:40:00.000-04:00

emani raayanu.. ninnu emani pogadanu...
ennallayindi ninnu choosi... nee chentha visraminchi

okkokka ooha, cheppaleni bhaavalaki janmanisthunte
nuvvu tanayyi, tanu nuvvayyi, nannu nenuga lekunda chesthunnave...

malle puvva.. nuvuu evari varaala mootavo...
vennela muthyamga... ninnu evaru naa munduncharo

malle puvva... nuvvu evari oohala chitranivo..
nuvu andavani.. taaralani varinchina jabilli... ninnu thana paatalo undanivvaledu

nenu paadathanu .. neekosam...

chandamaama raave.. jaabilli raave..
kondekki raave.. . malle poolu theeve...

2003-04-10T15:25:00.000-04:00

2003-04-10T15:20:00.000-04:00

A beautiful song makes sense to me after a long time... some times i see its impact instantaneously and sometimes it shows its beauty in enormous ways thoughtout my lifetime...

one such song is by sree seetharamasastry... which i tried to translate word to word , thereby unfortunately loosing its poetic flow.

---------------------
telugu
---------------------

neelaakaasam lo harivillu choopinchava nalla nallani meghalu
bangaru rangula kalalu choopinchava.. nadireyi lo neeli kallu..

urume vintu uliki paduthu unte chiguru thodigedela pasidi pantachenu
merupe vintu murisipothu unte manasu chesthundira nemali narthanaalu

kammuku vachhe kaala raathiri ante maro sooryodayaaniki choolaalanta
alupanipinche kalathalemiti ante nijam kaaboyee oohala baruvenanta..

more to come.....

--------------
english
--------------

Wont the darkest clouds show the beautiful rainbow in the blue sky!
wont the beautiful blue eyes show golden dreams in the deep night...

will the field ever grow prosperously.. if it is afraid of the sound of thunder...
see the majestic lightning.. and your heart will do the dance of the peacock..

the invading dark night is concieving (is pregnant with) tomorrow's bright sunlight...
those thoughts that are wearing you down.. are nothing but the wieght of your dreams that are going to become true...

more to come.....

2003-04-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

i am a fool.. i am a fool... i am a fool...

2003-04-05T14:16:00.000-05:00

come back to me.........

I was passing by the path,knowing not where i want to go. A tree looked at me and said.."where are you my friend.. where did you go why did you stop writing about me.. did you fall in love with a beautiful girl?". "Love?" i said, "i do not know what love is and i am no bard to write about you." "so were you behind a beautiful girl?" "yes, i was .. but i was not behind.. i want to just be with her" "Look at yourself... you once wanted to be with me..its the same thing. you will leave her for something else." "I think i already left her." "what for this time?" " i do not know...i dont have an answer.. i have an emptiness in me that cannot be filled, i felt she would be filling it, but i understood she was searching for her own soul.. and could not fill mine. i may never find what i want" "then please come backto me , i want you.." "no.. i dont want to come back.. i do not know what love is.. and i do not how to be with you..so troubled i am , i cannot think of anything else other than laughing at it. i am happy , happy that i am sad, i am sad.. sad that i am happy. i am lonely, i am lonely, so lonely that i cannot hear myself. the me has left me, may never come back" " was it ever there?" the tree asked. "i do not know..." . "Then love me.. come back to me..you will not be lonely, i will be there for you." "Why do you want me to be with you?" "I like the way you talk about me.. i like the way you want to write about me.." "You are selfish too", i said. " Oh, why do you think you write about me?", the tree asked. "I write because i do not want my thoughts about you to go away.. and i dont this its love.." "How can you say so , when you say you dont know what love is."

2003-03-27T00:31:00.000-05:00

vennello yeekantham.....

solitude in moonlight

the one who longs for solitude in moonlight is foolish.
..............................................................................................................................................................................

2003-03-27T00:20:00.000-05:00

be happy
-------------

I dont know how to make you happy. I know only how to fight, how to fight the worries that bother you. you think i am lying.
what more can i do, wheni dont want to see you sad. i dont know, i dont know. i try to be silly, i try to be mysterious,
i try to convince you that i can make the sky your blue carpet, on which you can sail away without worries,
i try to weave words that do not make sense, neither to me nor to you, only to hope that you will read them and forget what you are doing.
in the end, i always loose, and these pebbles remain with me.

i take them out and toss them in to the sea, so wise it is, it collects them and feeds to its children.
you see them one day, and like them so much, you would want to wear them. then i know, my work
was not a waste.

2003-03-26T23:37:00.000-05:00

2003-03-26T23:32:00.000-05:00

i did not know i had a heart.. till you came to be in it..without your knowing
but i now know it has pain, as my heart had only your image.. and not you.

so hard it is to be with this incessant happiness , and its ever-present twin.. sadness..
worry not about me, for i know how to deal with pain..
i have been doing since i knew about myself..

i look to the nature to find something that would destroy my pain, or something that makes me understand why things happen
i read book, i read poems, i read people, i read nature, i read the wind, i read the water, i read the sunrise, i read the moonlight
and a tiny wisdom says, "fool you are, what has anyone got by reading..start to feel it."

what is feeling? asked myself, and i saw for the first time eternal silence, in her completness,
so seductive was she, i wanted to be with her forever,
alas, she has to be with more troubled souls..
i will win her in a duel, said i, with all my might,
she said, i will have to fight my self to win with her..
knowing not what that meant, i returned to the question.. what is feeling..
so attracted to me, she was, she turned returned to me always..

did i win her?

2003-03-26T07:55:00.000-05:00

I lived like you probing
the interminable star,

and in my net, at night, I awakened naked,

the only catch, a fish trapped in the wind.

-- pablo neruda.. enigmas. quoted in mindwalk (movie)

2003-03-26T07:49:00.000-05:00

you were my sun, in the snowy winter...
you are the beauty in the budding spring...

where would i have been if not for the thoughts of you..
so lonely , so near ...yet so far..

2003-03-26T00:13:00.000-05:00

oh beautiful...

why dont i long to be with you..
why dont i always want to speak with you
why dont i see you in everything that surrounds me..
why cannot i write verses about you...

is it because i dont love you? i dont think it is love..
for i do not know what love is..

what is it in me that wants me do all i want to do...
what is it in me that does not make me do them..
do you know.. please tell me if you do...

2003-03-26T00:09:00.000-05:00

pain...

what a memorable friend it is..
it visits me, when i am with happiness
so jealous is it about happiness, it snatches away her..from me..

i makes its presence felt in my head.. in my neck.. in the nerves.. in the shoulders.until it reaches
the whole of my body..
pain .. in its various colors... in various places..
can anyone see it? no .. i hid it..because i am not a proud that i own it..

how do i erase it... do i smile at others to tell them i will drive her away from me..
it will be a lie.... for i know how powerful pain is...i am with it... it is making me write this..

you have not won.. and i will not give up.

2003-03-23T10:32:00.000-05:00

i saw a dancing tree...

did you look at it today.. it was so happy
swaying in the wind , as if it were dancing along with it...
talking with it...with the sweet romances between returning lovers...

did you know before watching it, that the august winds are romantic as well..
not missing a singe chance to wrap around the most beautiful ones, leaving the others in jealousy

and then the tree started singing.. with all its moving leaves..

"did you come to me, as i cannot move..
or is it your love for me that brought you here..
do you know you cannot stay forever.. you have work to do..

you have to make the seasons happen, you have to bring the clouds to its lovers.. the earth, the oceans
you are the palquin bearer for the oceans to help them reach the sky...
you have to turn into gentle breeze .. to carry the scent of lovers to their lovers...
you have to turn the wheel to bring water for me...

so much work to do.. why do you stay with me..."

and the wind said..

"
nothing is more important to me.. than the moment that i spend dancing with you...
i am myself.. unbound, unrestricted,.. wild

i come here to apologise, for what i have done to you in the past..
i have undressed you, in my fury.. i wiped away all that was yours..

with these few moments that i got to spend with you,
you make me fight with time , for it doesnt let me stay with you..

i will always be here... taking care of you
"

i heard what the tree said to itself... "broken promises..."

2003-03-23T01:06:00.000-05:00

not a day beings in my life.. without her lovely face in my eyes
not an evening is full without her sweet voice
not a night passes by without the sweet nothings that happen
oh what more can i say.. when she is all by me ... all my days....

2003-03-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

naanaaTi baTuku
raagam: rEvati

taaLam: aadi
Composer: Annamaacaarya
Language: telugu?

Pallavi

nAnATi patuku nATakamu
kAnaka kannati kaivalyamu

CaraNam 1

puTTuTayu nijamu pOvuTayu nijamu
naTTa naTimi pani nATakamu
yeTTa neduTagaladI prapaNcamu
kaTTagaTapaTiti kaivalyamu
(naanaaTi)

CaraNam 2

kuTicEdannamu Shoka cuTTeDidi
NaTu mantrapu pani nATakamu
voDigaTTu konina vubhayakarmulu
gaTidATinapuDE kaivalyamu
(naanaaTi)

CaraNam 3

tekadu pApamu tIradu puNyamu
naki naki kAlamu nATakamu
yevakune ShRI vEngkaTEShvaru Telika
gakhanamu mItiti kaivalyamu
(naanaaTi)

[from -- http://www.geocities.com/promiserani2/c1508.html ]

2003-03-19T10:21:00.000-05:00

listening to this song.. and thought would be interesting to post it here ( i should ask someone to translate this):

(anr/ aaradhana)
-------------------------------------------------

naa hridayamlO nidurimcE celii!
kalalalOnE kavvimcE sakhii
mayoorivai vayaarivai nEDE
naTanamaaDi neevE
nannu dOcinaavE
||naa hridayamlO!!

nee kannulalOna -
daagenulE vennelasOna
cakOramai nini varimci
anusarimcinaanE kalavarimcinaanE
||naa hridayamlO!!

naa gaanamulO neevE
praaNamugaa pulakarimcinaavE
pallavigaa palukarimcaraavE
nee veccani neeDa -
velasenu naa valapula mEDa

nivaaLitO cEyicaaci
edurucoocinaanE

nidura kaacinaanE
||naa hridayamlO!!

2003-03-19T01:29:00.000-05:00

ohh so much work..i didnt want to do it.

anyways.. here is some thing for today:

winter never comes with snow..it comes with your grim face.
spring dances with your smile as its stance...
autumn leaves with me , looking at the autumn leaves
there is no meaning to these lines, as you are not with me...

2003-03-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

Confluence..

flowing together of two or more streams..
wish we were so, but we are two extremes

i say the sun always sets, you say the sun always rises
arent we both true? ... no...
truth is when we say the above together....

imagine a place filled with all the beauty that i can think of
need i tell you? it will be one where you are present, along with me..

i fall onto silence, for it gives me the energy to think...
you enjoy talking, for it makes you happy..
silence, and talking, arent they together, one begins where the other ends..

never have you listened to what i said...
never have i been unaware of what you say..

confluence...

2003-03-14T13:42:00.000-05:00

is it wrong to wish, to want, to celebrate your presence, to describe you as no one has done before.
to adorn you with these graceless beads of words..

i would be happy if you say , these trifles are dull...
but you said i should not make them..

oh dreamer , that i am,
what do i know other than this,
what can i do other than this...

2003-03-14T04:22:00.000-05:00

i long to see you smile, no matter how sad you are..for that is the mirror that i want to see..
i long to see tears in your eyes, no matter how happy you are..for they are my raindrops that show me the rainbow
i long to feel the breeze that passes through the woods..that passed through you, it is untouched by all the beauty that comes in between..

2003-03-14T04:08:00.000-05:00

oh jasmine flower!
how lucky you are,
to be a star in her starry hair,

for you got to be with her in my dream,
which for me is still a dream

-------------------

chirunavvuu.... naaku nuvvante kopam, nuvvu aamethoti unnavani..
nenu navvithe naa deggaraki ochesthavani.. naaku nuvvante istham..
nuvvochina aame raadani telisi.. nee meeda malli kopam... aamenu ontariga odilesthaavani.

-------------------

2003-02-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

paul erdos

2003-02-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

hmm...

2003-02-17T18:47:00.000-05:00

belated valentine wishes....

i love you.